Ya Allah, satukanlah hati kami!

Awe tak boleh bayangkan, bagaimana seseorang sanggup menganiaya saudara kandungnya sendiri. Apa yang lebih menyedihkan ialah dia sanggup mennggunakan ilmu sihir. Kenapa ada masnusia di atas muka bumi ini yang tergamak buat sesuatu macam tu. Sekarang ni bulan Ramadhan. Ya Allah...sedih sangat dengan apa yang berlaku di sekeliling Awe. Orang-orang yang Awe sayang, Awe hormat...kenapa?

Tapi, bukan itu je perkara yang menyedihkan. Beberapa kejadian yang baru berlaku dan juga perkara yang berlarutan sekian lamanya membuatkan Awe muhasabah balik peranan Awe di dalam keluarga sebagai anak, adik, kakak, sepupu, anak buah, makcik, dan cucu. Awe merasakan Allah sedang menguji persaudaraan ini. Ya Allah, sungguh hebat ujianMu! Awe merasakan yang Awe tak menjalankan peranan Awe sebaiknya. Awe tak ada kekuatan untuk menegur mereka yang Awe hormati dan Awe sayangi. Awe tak tau apakah cara terbaik untuk Awe menjernihkan suasana yang sedia ada tanpa mengeruhkannya lagi. Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan kepadaku!

Ya Allah, di bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ni, aku pohon padaMu Ya Allah, Kau ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku, Kau ampunkanlah dosa kedua ibubapaku, abang-abangku, adik-adikku, pakcik-makcikku, sepupu-sepupuku, atok nenekku, dan seluruh saudara-saudaraku Ya Allah. Kau satukanlah hati kami, ikatlah hati kami dengan kasih sayang. Ya Allah, jauhkanlah kami daripada segala permusuhan, sifat dendam, dengki, dan iri hati. Ya Allah, tetapkanlah hati kami dalam mentaatiMu, jauhkanlah kami daripada kemaksiatan, hindarkan kami daripada kejahilan dan kebatilan. Ya Allah, berilah kesihatan kepada kami, murahkanlah rezeki kami, halalkan makan minum kami, jauhkan kami daripada azab api neraka. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah rahmahMu, hidayahMu dan keampunanMu. Kau kabulkanlah doaku Ya Allah..kabulkanlah..kabulkanlah...
Amin, amin ya Rabbal 'alamin.

My Blog

Your Blogging Type is Kind and Harmonious



You're an approachable blogger who tends to have many online friends.
People new to your blogging circle know they can count on you for support.
You tend to mediate fighting and drama. You set a cooperative tone.
You have a great eye for design - and your blog tends to be the best looking on the block!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Kolot Ke?

Your score on Openness to Experience is low, indicating you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical,and conservative.

Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is low

Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is low.

Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is low.

Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is high.

Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is low.

Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is low.

Ya Allah, Tenangkanlah Hatiku, Damaikanlah Jiwaku

Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is average.

Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is average

Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.

Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is low.

Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is low.

Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.

Harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is average.

Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is average.

Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is low.

Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is low.

Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is average.

Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is high.

Sanggup ke berkorban?

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust sees others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.

Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.

Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requesting for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is low.

Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is high.

Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is average.

Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is high.

To Be With You Or To Be Alone?

Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.

Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is average.

Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is average

Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.

Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is low.

Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high

Dalam Diam...

Kami tak pernah meluahkan isi hati masing-masing. Bila berjumpa pun, hanya isu-isu semasa dan kehidupan peribadi masing-masing yang menjadi bahan bualan. Jarang sekali kami merancang untuk berjumpa. Namun, setiap kali bersua, dari jauh kami akan tersenyum, hati berbunga, mata bersinar. Hampir satu dekad kami berkawan. Tak pernah sekalipun hati ini diguris. Diri ini sentiasa dihormati. Tapi, malam tadi timbul satu perasaan yang tak dapat digambarkan apabila mengetahui dia akan berkahwin tak lama lagi. Mulut mengucapkan tahniah, tapi, hati berasa sedih. Rupa-rupanya, dalam diam, kami menyimpan perasaan terhadap diri masing-masing. Semuanya baru disedari malam tadi secara tidak langsung di dalam perbualan kami. Dia memang berhasrat menjadikan Awe teman hidupnya, tapi tidak diluahkan kerana memikirkan tempoh pengajian Awe yang masih panjang, dan juga kerana merasa rendah diri dek perbezaan latar belakang diri dan keluarga. Inilah yang dikatakan tak ada jodoh agaknya. Walauapapun, Awe doakan yang terbaik dan kebahagiaan buat dirinya dan semoga tenang jiwa ini.

Malam Sambutan Hari Malaysia

Malam tadi awe dan keluarga pergi ke Stadium Kelana Jaya, menyambut Hari Malaysia anjuran Pakatan Rakyat. Subhanallah. Ramai sungguh manusia. Kerusi hampir penuh. Padang hampir padat. Track pun penuh dengan manusia. Program tamat sebelum jam 12 tengahmalam. Tapi, kami balik rumah hampir jam 1 pagi sebab abah taknak berhadapan dengan kesesakan ribuan kereta yang berasak-asak keluar dari perkarangan stadium.

Ada dua kelebihan balik lambat malam tadi. Pertama, awe ditemuramah oleh wartawan MalaysiaKini mengenai pandangan awe terhadap perhimpunan malam tadi, pakatan rakyat, dan ISA. Kedua, awe dapat berborak lebih lama dengan seorang member awe yang mengambil kesempatan mencari rezeki berniaga di luar stadium. Awe kenal dia sejak akhir form 2. Masa tu awe ikut abah berprogram dan kebetulan keluarga dia pun ada gak datang berniaga. Sejak tu, selalu gak awe berjumpa dengan dia dan keluarganya.

7 September dan Pertunangan

Alarm handphone berbunyi tepat jam 5 pagi. Sahur. Hari ni hari ke 7 puasa. Alhamdulillah...dapat gak jumpa lagi dengan Ramadhan tahun ni. Seperti biasa, awe matikan alarm pastu cek ada mesej masuk ke tak. Hmm...ada satu. Sape lah agaknya mesej lewat pagi sebab malam tadi awe tidur kol 1 (layan pardes..huhu). Bila tengok je nombor yang keluar...arghh, dia lagi..apa yang dia nak. Awe baca beberapa perkataan pertama je. Delete....puas.

Tapi ada sesuatu yang dia tulis dalam mesej tu yang buat awe teringat yang tarikh hari ni, 7 sept, genap setahun pengalaman awe bertunang. Hubungan yang bertahan dengan perasaan sedih, sakit hati, meluat, bosan, menyampah, dan secebis sayang, akhirnya putus 3 Februari lepas. Kenapa putus? Tak nak lah awe tulis kat sini. Awe tak nak ingatkan. Biarlah perkara lepas jadi pengajaran dan pengalaman untuk awe. Semua perkara menyakitkan yang dia buat kat awe, dah pun awe maafkan. Semua kenangan pahit dengan dia, sedaya mungkin awe cuba hilangkan dari kepala. Setiap hari awe berdoa semoga Allah ampunkan dosa2 awe, tenangkan hati awe, dan kurniakan awe suami yang soleh.

Banyak pengajaran awe dapat dari pengalaman bertunang. Betullah apa yang orang cakap, tempoh bertunang adalah waktu terbaik untuk kita mengenali bakal pasangan kita. Masa tu lah masing-masing akan tunjukkan sifat dan perangai sebenar, terutama kepada yang hipokrit. Sebab tu lah awe tak percaya dengan istilah 'pakwe-makwe' atau 'couple'. Pendirian awe, “sape nak, masuk minang”. Awe tak pernah fikirkan ciri-ciri yang perlu ada kat calon suami. Cukuplah 4 perkara asas yang Nabi sebut tu.

Dalam tempoh bertunang tu pun, awe lebih mula mengenali diri sendiri dan mematangkan diri. Awe tak suka nak besar-besarkan hal yang remeh. Walaupun ada benda yang awe tak senang, awe lebih suka diamkan dan cuba berfikiran positif yang perkara tu akan jadi lebih baik nanti. Walaupun orang tanya apa masalah awe, awe takkan sebut sebab benda tu berkaitan dengan yang bertanya dan awe tak nak dia terguris atau melenting. Awe sememangnya sangat sensitif bila ada orang lelaki tinggikan suara dengan awe. Mesti mengalir air mata ni. Paling minimum pun, awe akan pendam. Dan awe sangat terbiasa dengan memendamkan kebanyakan perkara. Yang bahaya nya, bila terjadi nya sesuatu yang melampau dan tak tertanggung, confirm meletup semua benda yang awe dah pendam. Itulah yang terjadi dalam pertunangan awe.

I do not regret being engaged but I regret with all the things happened within the engagement and I also regret for not being able to change things to make them better. I am not even sad when it ends or sad of losing him but I am sad because I feel an emptiness in my life. I just feel like I need someone, no specific person, just someone who can be the one whom i will devote all my life for him. But how am I to know HE is the one???